Wokmania, St Werburghs church, Derby, DE1 1BU

Well I must confess, I have been to Wokmania before, but it was in Sheffield when I recently repatriated no.1 son back to university.
So it was no surprise that my visit to Derbys imposing branch of Wokmania, was once again to be with no.1
Walking into the dimly lit interior of the old St Werburghs church felt surreal and dramatic to say the least. It was immediately apparent why the opening of this branch was delayed almost a year, the logistics and cost must have given somebody a few sleepless nights.

We were promptly shown to our seats and the layout of the food was clearly explained, starters, mains and a section for desserts were all well defined.
How anyone can be expected to even dent the alleged selection of 120 different courses was beyond me, especially as the offer included dry congealed rice, cheap parts of chicken (i.e. wings and legs), dry meatless ribs, oily curries and dry breads. Many dishes weren't even labelled, so we never did find out what they were.
The desserts looked like they were straight from school dinners at Markeaton junior. Jelly, soft whipped ice cream, sponge cakes, copious amounts of slightly bruised apples and wait for it……bowls of Dolly Mixtures! My god, do they do kids face painting aswell? I’ll have Lion-O! (the Thundercats, remember?)
I started to wonder who would actually come here. I knew you certainly wouldn’t want to bring your new lady here on a date (unless you didn’t want to see her again of course), my mother certainly wouldn’t and couldn’t eat this much and £12.90 is in my opinion too much for students. It began to dawn on me that there were quite a few people in here who liked to eat a ‘lot’ of food, so that’s who’s gracing the doors of Derby’s latest eat-as-much-as-you-can venue! This isn’t for me and is a million miles away from decent grub. Vast amounts of poor quality food, non existent and non required service, but a dramatic venue. I predicted last year that Goji wouldn’t last and I’m going to stick my neck out and say that in this day and age, when consumers are more concerned about the quality and provenance of the food they put inside their bodies, there just wont be a place for the Wokamnias of this world, especially at £13 a pop!
Pizza Express: freshly made pizza, plus a starter for £13…….. it’s a no brainer!

Food: 2/10
Service: self service
Venue: 7/10

Tel: 01332 331155
www.wokmania.co.uk (it hasn’t been updated for nearly a year!)

Zest, 16 George Street, Derby, DE1 1EH

Click to enlarge

Zest is like Scotland to me. I know it's there, I really want to go, but I never get round to it. Well sister and myself have booked a flight in mothers 'Rover 200' to Zest this evening. At last we're going!

It must be a couple of years since local restauranteur Bill Poynton relinquished the reigns at Zest, giving the new owners plenty of time to stamp their own mark on the place. I must say I do prefer the new aubergine colour scheme to the previous stark white interior, the 'cosy control' has been turned up a notch or two. It certainly needed it this evening as the relentless winter downpours continue (whatever happened to snow?).
We were lucky they still had tables on the ground floor. I prefer this to the balcony. Various drinks and a dish of herby olives were ordered. We were preparing for take off....
As usual mother by passed starters leaving it to sister et moi to sample the openers. Intrigue lured me towards the cod, spinach & mascarpone wellington (£5.95) and sister commenced with butternut squash & ginger soup (£5.25). The ubiquitous butternut squash soup was as you'd expect, but with a hint of ginger and star anise. I do wish restaurants would "step out of the box" when it comes to winter soups. I'm getting quite bored of butternut squash. The cod wellington was a sausage shaped filo parcel containing steamed spinach and a thumb sized piece of cod, sat on a pool of tangy orange hollandaise. It was light and felt healthful, with most of the flavours packed into the sauce. We were in full flight....

For the main event mother went for pork tenderloin with caramelised pears & brandy sauce (£15.25). It was cooked just right and served on a bed of potato with a cluster of pan fried pear slices forming a perfect peak. My sister ordered the saute of chicken breast with apples and parsnip(£14.95), her accompanying brandy & madeira sauce imparting most of the flavours in this delicate, yet once again perfectly cooked dish. It was no surprise I chose the most expensive main course, venison steak with rosemary and cherries (£18.50), came perfectly seared pink and succulent on the inside. The astute combination of rosemary and cherries creating a perfect winter dish. The accompanying selection of winter brassicas were also cooked spot on.

For a dessert I had their panettone bread & butter pudding (£5.25), it was a lucious slice of gooey, squidgy pudding with plenty of sticky butterscotch sauce. I loved it. Mother surprisingly had room for a banana mousse (£5.25), a light mouse with slices of banana and more of their finger lickin butterscotch sauce, a well executed take on a banana split.

It had been an enjoyable flight....

Zest provides comfortable, contemporary dinning without getting too involved in "foodie fashion". You won't find snail porridge or essence of quail with a lagoustine foam here, just modern, stylish dinning. Book early for valentines!

Food 7.5/10

Service 6.5/10

Venue 7/10

Tel: 01332 381101

http://www.restaurantzest.com/

"Now I gotta reason, Now I gotta reason and I'm still waiting" (Holidays In The Sun, Sex Pistols, 1977)

Thai Boran, 56 Green Lane, Derby, DE1 1RP

Yet another thai restaurant, is indicative of the cuisine types available in Derby (there's a further two thai/oriental openings planned for this month alone). A vast selection of Indian & oriental restaurants, but still no decent "pub grub" within the city centre. What I'd give for a plate of piping hot smooth buttery mash and some locally produced herby sausages and ladle of rich fruity onion gravy (decent grub)........don't get me going!

Having stayed late at my shop one Monday evening, staining one of the floors. I was ready for a beer and a quick food fix. We were just about to snap the final lock shut when a couple of friends waltzed by, en route to Thai Boran. We didn't need to be asked twice.......in fact we didn't need to be asked. We were coming!
I've always prided myself on knowing most eateries within the city centre, but Thai Boran on Green Lane, was new to me. I hadn't ventured this far up Green Lane since Alf James closed down (how I used to think it was cool to walk around Derby with one of those fake cigarettes, puffing out clouds of talcum powder!).

The Tardis size interior revealed a cluster of rooms, filled with the habitual large wood carved elephants and scenes of Thailand. A table in the main auditorium was selected by your now extremely hungry stain (floor) covered host.

Thai beers already in place, and several bowls of fiery prawn crackers later, it was the Toong Thong (isn't that what Betty Boop wears?) that arrived first (£3.99). A brass stand topped with half a dozen crispy wonton parcels, filled with minced prawn & chicken and a sweet chilli dipping sauce, was equally shared between me and Bec. Charlie Dimmock would have been proud of the accompanying floral arrangement, carefully carved from large oriental radishes and dipped in the chilli sauce, they also tasted half decent.

The extremely nervous waiter swapped our empty beer bottles for full ones and removed the rest of the flower arrangement, ensuring he kept everything at arms length (does he think I've put one of Alf James's exploding detonators in the food remnants?!)

The main event for me was Gai Yang Phoo Khao Fai (or chargrilled chicken) £7.49 and Pad Num Mun Hoi £6.79, for the Bec. Once more served up by the apprehensive looking waiter. I reckon he'd recently been reading the Firework Code. "No 4: Light the firework at arm's length, and stand well back!" I couldn't get over his unusual body language.

The chefs artistic talents had again been put to full use, with my chicken dish served up sizzling in a cleverly created tin foil chicken. It was a perfect combination of thai herbs and grilled chicken, hot, sweet and garlicky. I forgot to order rice but as usual there's always plenty of it kicking around, so I pilfered some of our companions steamed jasmine rice to absorb any remaining juices in the base of my foil bird. Bootiful! Bec's dish was her favourite combination of chicken and mushroom. Well presented again, but padded out with a few too many peppers for her liking.

All in all it was a really good discovery. If we hadn't polished off about 5 beers each the bill would have been around £20-£25, for one starter to share and a couple of mains and drinks.

I do like Thai, but let's hope that sooner than later, someone sees an opening for something different within the city centre. We shouldn't be forced to flee the city in an attempt to find some decent grub, no wonder Pizza Express and Zizzi are always busy.

Food 7/10

Service 6/10

Venue 5/10 (the toilets let it down abit)

Tel: 01332 343933

"Eighties - I'm living in the eighties, Eighties - I have to push, I have to struggle, Eighties" (Eighties, Killing Joke, 1984)

Martin, September, 2007

Masala Art, Midland Road, Derby

CLICK ON SAMPLE MENU TO ENLARGE

I don't know about you, but every week or so I need my curry fix, once it's done that's me sorted for another couple of weeks. Well tonight it's the whole family trotting off to Masala Art on Midland Road to collect our prescription.
First impressions are of a warm, softly lit room and very courteous, traditionally dressed staff. The waiting/bar area is a bit small, and there's probably only enough seating for four people, so we were propelled straight to our stylish laid tables and each presented with a copy of their innovative menu. The majority of the seating is made up of high backed, tan suede upholstery, very modern and if you get one of the booth's, also quite private. Drinks were promptly served, it was now time to decide, change your mind, then decide again, what to eat....
Mother plumped for her usual poppadoms and pickle. They pride themselves here on unusual accompaniments, such as their own apple & mint chutney, however they were more than happy to bring her the ubiquitous lime pickle. It was mushroom bhaji for the Bec, mixed vegetable starter for my skinny and tiger prawn puri for me. I was well impressed with the presentation of my starter, and it didn't disappoint the palate either, my skinny was also satisfied with her trio of samosas and bhaji's, but the perfectly formed circle of what I think was a tamarind reduction, was a bit fiery for her. Updates were provided by the attentive staff as to the imminent arrival of the mains, and in due course they promptly appeared, all presented in charming copper bowls. My usual chicken bhuna (£8.95) was remarkably tasty but slightly too hot for me, even though it is only rated number 1 (they rate all their food on a 1 - 3 chilli rating), lamb dansac (£8.95), lamb with spices & lentils for mother, chicken balti (£8.95) chicken with yoghurt & green peppers for my skinny and lamb saag gosht (£9.95) lamb, spinach & greens for Bec. Two pilau rice & one plain nan completed the line up. It was enjoyable for all, but my skinny did say she felt her's was a bit lacking on depth of taste. The attentive service was maintained throughout, and at the end of the proceedings we were presented with a small questionnaire, asking what we thought of their service and food, no wonder they're able to maintain such lofty levels of service, when they're constantly monitoring their customers opinions.
All in all it was hard to find faults tonight, as mother said to find any would be considered picky. When it came to 'way-in' £90 for the meal (that's 4 starters, four mains & 2 drinks each) we were once again asked what we thought of the experience. " I reckon you're one of the two best Indian restaurants in Derby" I said. "Yes, but are we number 1 or number 2?" she replied. Now there's a thought.............
N.B. Scientists at Nottingham Trent University have discovered that people can actually become addicted to curries, because they arouse and stimulate the senses. Their findings indicate that people do not just crave curry because of its spicy taste, but also because it stimulates the senses and provides a natural high (BBC, Oct. 2000).

Food 7.5/10
Service 8/10
Venue 7.5/10
Tel: 01332 292629
www.masala-art.co.uk

"Hot in the city, hot in the city tonight, tonight" (Hot in the city, Billy Idol, 1982)
Martin, Saturday 3rd February, 2007

Saracens Head, Shirley, Derbyshire.

The Saracens Head, Shirley, halfway between Derby and Ashbourne, has recently been taken over by the crew from the Red Lion at Hollington, a pub which has achieved entries in some of the UK's leading eating and drinking guides. Having been to the Red Lion several times, I was keen to give their new venture a go.
My initial thought when I walked in was, it's too bright. I reckon some of the lamps should have softer lit bulbs, to make the place appear more cosy (and save money), and let the candles on tables get a look in.
The menu was displayed on a large chalk board. I like this, it says 'seasonal' and 'fresh' to me. However I was disappointed to see the only fish option, Lager battered fish and chunky chips, was crossed off, a second 'lighter' fish dish on the menu would have been good.
When we both saw the size of the portions being placed on the adjacent table, we decided a starter to share would be enough. Goats cheese wrapped in pancetta (about £4) came with a mound of fresh crunchy leaves and a tangy dressing. With two of us hacking away, it didn't last long.
Bec had Char grilled lemon, rosemary and garlic chicken with asparagus and tagliettelle (£7.50), she was easily beaten by the large amount of pasta. Pour moi it was Steak and mushroom pie with chunky chips and veg (£7.95). Both plates came piping hot, and as with Bec, I was beaten by the sheer volume of food. I was marginally disappointed that it wasn't actualy pie, but a plate full of stew with a cut out square of puff pastry, placed precariously on top, however my veg was spot on.
This is hearty pub grub, very much pie and chips stuff, but perfect for rounding off a long walk on a Winter's day, accompanied by a pint of real ale and a roaring log fire (they had both of these). They could definitely tweek the menu, by adding one more fish and vegetarian option. It's early days and they may eventually take it in an entirely different direction.
Maybe closed on Monday's.
Food 6.5/10
Service 6.5/10
Venue 6/10
Tel: 01335 360330

"We're goin down the pub" (Hurry up Harry, Sham 69, 1978)
Martin, Thursday 1st February, 2007

San Marco, London Road, Derby

I'm sure my skinny (skinny blister/ sister) won't mind me saying that she's a pretty fussy eater at the best of times, I'm not just talking about what she likes to eat, but "this chair's not comfortable", "I can feel the air conditioning too much at this table", "it's a bit too smokey here, let's sit over there", etc, etc. Many a waitress has taken an order from us, only to return to the table half an hour later with plates of hot food, to find it empty, Marie Celeste style. Well it's Mother's birthday today (Burns night), and we're en route to collect a family friend with a view to going on to the Saracens Head at Shirley, 1 minute from Rowland's house and the word from the back of the car is.......................it's now San Marco.
San Marco on London Road is huddled amongst some of Derby busiest eateries (Anoki, Peppitos, etc) in what is probably one of Derby's oldest remaining areas for restaurants.
Considering it's such a cold night, the large room is warm and cosy (good lighting is important). We plonk our bum's on one of their large sofas and order a focaccia to share (not the one on the menu, but the one they used to do. It's good). We're seated. So how long before my skinny complains, we're too near the speaker on the wall?
Crisp clean linen, sparkling cutlery, only the slightly dry bread at fault so far. Still not a squeak out of my skinny. Focaccia all gone, the dry bread used to mop-up the remaining garlicky oil on the plate, mmmmm. Agnello Nero (about £13) for the birthday girl, a plate of well cooked lamb cutlets, with a rich red wine & garlic sauce, topped with a wedge of polenta. Filetto Pasticcione (£15.95) for my skinny, filet medalions with a brandy, porcini & mushroom sauce. Filetto San Marco (£15.95) for yours truly, a thick filet cooked medium/rare (should have just said rare, what was I thinking about?) wrapped in a slice of prosciutto, and neatly balanced on a bed of spinach. It was supposed to have a whisky & cream sauce, but I didn't detect the whisky. Pollo Mediterraneo (£10.75) for Rowland, a chicken breast on a bed of tagliatelle, topped with a mound of brightly coloured peppers, courgettes & olives. His plate looked as though it had been told the party was fancy dress, when in actual fact it was a black tie do! Crunchy roasties, cauliflower cheese & fine green beans accompanied. A good selection, but some of the beans were older than their mates (some were dark and crunchy, others pale and softer). No complaints from my skinny, mum happy as larry, my filet didn't touch the sides, Rowland............well all the chicken and pasta has gone, but some of the fancy dress costume was left on the plate, but no complaints. Three tiramisu's (home made) and a toffee meringue for mother. The home made tiramisu was a disappointment, far too sweet and not enough coffee & alcohol. It just tasted....."sweet".
Good all round attentive service from what must be Derby's leading Italian restaurant. It's independently owned, with genuine Italian (+ 1 Spanish) staff. We all had meat for main course, but they have a comprehensive selection of pasta & pizza's, all around a£9-£11. I've had their seafood pasta before, it was pretty good. I find there's always a good atmosphere here, even though the room is quite large. At weekends it's always very busy. And did my skinny complain? Not once......... now that must be a good sign !
Food 7/10
Service 8/10
Venue 7/10
Tel: 01332 200814

"Everyone's looking for something new" (Something New, Anti-Pasti, 1980)
Martin, Thursday 25th January 2007

Little Siam, Friargate, Derby

When looking for somewhere to eat, why do we often look through the window of the restaurant before deciding to go in? What are we afraid of? Does the amount of people dining determine the quality of the food? Are we afraid that if we're sat on our own, other people will look through the window and say "look at that wierd pair"? Or is it just that we Brits like safety in numbers?
Well I was going to dine here on Wednesday night with my mother & sister, but when mother saw it had only 2 diners, she promptly shrugged her shoulders and moved us on to Zizzi. 48 hours later & I'm back, a few more diners were present, but for a Friday night and prime location it was quiet (could be the time of year). I'd booked for 8, but me & the missus didn't turn up till 8.30. I think the complimentary prawn crackers had been waiting for half an hour, and had obviously given up. The place felt like it was stuck in a bit of an 80's 'Phoenix Nights' time warp, and I don't think the pictures of food plates displayed in the window do much to help, to me this lends itself to an air of 'take-away'. Menus hadn't been given much thought, with the customary wipe clean, plastic folder type. The layout was more like someone's cv than a menu (why do chinese restaurants still use the number system "I'll have a number 34, with a number 76" ??) With any restaurant, it's about attention to detail. Of course, no restaurant should be judged solely on it's type of menu, lighting, type of seats or whatever, but all these things are like pieces of a jigsaw, and when put together, they form a whole picture.
Orders for food & drink were promptly taken. First up was the mixed platter to share (£12 for 2 people) I'm a fan of starters in restaurants (I'd take starter over desert any time), but this type of starter is more visual, than taste, with the usual ornate flower carvings made from carrots & raddishes, all perfectly arranged on a brass stand. I reckon we'd paid £5, just for the visuals. Anyway I ate faster than Bec, so I got more. Only a bit of soggy sesame prawn toast remained. Plenty of entertainment was provided during the interval, when a waitress spilt what I assume was a glass of red wine, over a punter on the table opposite, "Panic stations". I'm thinking free meal here and dry cleaning bill !
Sweet and sour chicken for me, chicken with sweetcorn & mushrooms for Bec. Plenty of pineapple, tomatoe and onion, but the chicken was a bit thin on the ground. Bec's chicken was plentyfull, but the sauce didn't want to join in, and where's the chips ? "Sorry for the delay" when they finally turned up (how, when it's quiet, do they manage to do this?) Food eaten, fight over who pays, departure....
I know the owners are new and are obviously carrying the legacy of the previous guys, but it needs more than just a name change (which incidentally sounds too much like Siam Corner in Derby) Look at how indian restaurants like Anoki, Masala Art, etc have dragged them selves into the 21st Century, with modern contemporary dining, attentive service and ultimately good (& at times interestingly different) food. Come on guys, you're in a prime spot, Friargate, it should be rockin here. Give us a reason to come back, you're not the only Thai/Chinese in Deby.
£38 for 2, with drinks.
Food 5/10
Service 6/10 (I think the table opposite would disagree tho!!)
Venue 4/10
Tel: 01332 344828
www.littlesiam.co.uk

"Would you like number 23?" (Hong Kong Garden, Siouxsie and the Banshees, 1978)
Martin, Saturday 13th January 2007