Wokmania, St Werburghs church, Derby, DE1 1BU

Well I must confess, I have been to Wokmania before, but it was in Sheffield when I recently repatriated no.1 son back to university.
So it was no surprise that my visit to Derbys imposing branch of Wokmania, was once again to be with no.1
Walking into the dimly lit interior of the old St Werburghs church felt surreal and dramatic to say the least. It was immediately apparent why the opening of this branch was delayed almost a year, the logistics and cost must have given somebody a few sleepless nights.

We were promptly shown to our seats and the layout of the food was clearly explained, starters, mains and a section for desserts were all well defined.
How anyone can be expected to even dent the alleged selection of 120 different courses was beyond me, especially as the offer included dry congealed rice, cheap parts of chicken (i.e. wings and legs), dry meatless ribs, oily curries and dry breads. Many dishes weren't even labelled, so we never did find out what they were.
The desserts looked like they were straight from school dinners at Markeaton junior. Jelly, soft whipped ice cream, sponge cakes, copious amounts of slightly bruised apples and wait for it……bowls of Dolly Mixtures! My god, do they do kids face painting aswell? I’ll have Lion-O! (the Thundercats, remember?)
I started to wonder who would actually come here. I knew you certainly wouldn’t want to bring your new lady here on a date (unless you didn’t want to see her again of course), my mother certainly wouldn’t and couldn’t eat this much and £12.90 is in my opinion too much for students. It began to dawn on me that there were quite a few people in here who liked to eat a ‘lot’ of food, so that’s who’s gracing the doors of Derby’s latest eat-as-much-as-you-can venue! This isn’t for me and is a million miles away from decent grub. Vast amounts of poor quality food, non existent and non required service, but a dramatic venue. I predicted last year that Goji wouldn’t last and I’m going to stick my neck out and say that in this day and age, when consumers are more concerned about the quality and provenance of the food they put inside their bodies, there just wont be a place for the Wokamnias of this world, especially at £13 a pop!
Pizza Express: freshly made pizza, plus a starter for £13…….. it’s a no brainer!

Food: 2/10
Service: self service
Venue: 7/10

Tel: 01332 331155
www.wokmania.co.uk (it hasn’t been updated for nearly a year!)

Goji, Bold Lane, Derby, DE1 3QE

The trend continues for buffet style oriental eateries, with the recent opening of Goji on Bold Lane and the overdue Wokmania in the old St Werburghs church in Derby.
In an attempt to ensure I keep on top of all new openings, I decided it was time to go Goji.
Goji is a rapidly expanding concept with a further 7 branches opening this year alone. Their location in Derby is good news for the Cathedral Quarter in it's bid to rival Westfield and London Road in the food stakes. The fresh and vibrant facia and interior are however the most invigorating thing about Goji. When we visited this evening there were only a handful of tables occupied and it was in need of some "atmosphere".
Me and my partner Bec, duly ordered a drink and had the concept explained to us, £11.95 eat as much as you like including a desert. OK, let's go....
They're in a bit of a catch 22 situation here, not enough customers means a slow turn around in the food. Starters including crispy duck, had dried up under the heat of the over head lights, pancakes had stuck together and salad was looking weary to say the least. The hoisin sauce I used to complete the crispy duck pancakes was watered down.
The mains were better as they benefited from being predominately sauce based, so didn't suffer from the overhead heat. Pork satay was spicy and peanutty, but the crispy chilli beef was again dry and er.. very crispy. The beef in black bean had a curious synthetic taste that I couldn't put my finger on and was packed with pepper, it was too fiery for me. Bec's chicken in cashew nuts was accompanied by over cooked (or over waited) noodles and in the end we gave up.
A quick visit to the sweet trolley to select something to get rid of the lingering pepper taste in my mouth, revealed a selection of cakes and gateaus that looked liked they'd been attacked by a bunch of kids with machete's.
The manager duly asked if we'd enjoyed our meal, but we hadn't and he was forced to endure our displeasure. But to give him his dues he deducted one meal from the bill and he was keen to point out that when the the restaurant was full, the food turn around was considerably quicker, so if I was to return, I'd ensure it was on the busier Friday or Saturday nights.
It's such a crying shame that the no-better-than-average food, doesn't live upto the slick interior and lifestyle it portrays. It will be interesting to see what happens when Wokmania opens in the coming weeks.
Food 3/10
Service 5/10
Venue 6/10

Friday 11th July 2008, GOJI HAS NOW CLOSED DOWN

Tel: 01332 363900


http://www.lifeatgoji.com/

Little Siam, Friargate, Derby

When looking for somewhere to eat, why do we often look through the window of the restaurant before deciding to go in? What are we afraid of? Does the amount of people dining determine the quality of the food? Are we afraid that if we're sat on our own, other people will look through the window and say "look at that wierd pair"? Or is it just that we Brits like safety in numbers?
Well I was going to dine here on Wednesday night with my mother & sister, but when mother saw it had only 2 diners, she promptly shrugged her shoulders and moved us on to Zizzi. 48 hours later & I'm back, a few more diners were present, but for a Friday night and prime location it was quiet (could be the time of year). I'd booked for 8, but me & the missus didn't turn up till 8.30. I think the complimentary prawn crackers had been waiting for half an hour, and had obviously given up. The place felt like it was stuck in a bit of an 80's 'Phoenix Nights' time warp, and I don't think the pictures of food plates displayed in the window do much to help, to me this lends itself to an air of 'take-away'. Menus hadn't been given much thought, with the customary wipe clean, plastic folder type. The layout was more like someone's cv than a menu (why do chinese restaurants still use the number system "I'll have a number 34, with a number 76" ??) With any restaurant, it's about attention to detail. Of course, no restaurant should be judged solely on it's type of menu, lighting, type of seats or whatever, but all these things are like pieces of a jigsaw, and when put together, they form a whole picture.
Orders for food & drink were promptly taken. First up was the mixed platter to share (£12 for 2 people) I'm a fan of starters in restaurants (I'd take starter over desert any time), but this type of starter is more visual, than taste, with the usual ornate flower carvings made from carrots & raddishes, all perfectly arranged on a brass stand. I reckon we'd paid £5, just for the visuals. Anyway I ate faster than Bec, so I got more. Only a bit of soggy sesame prawn toast remained. Plenty of entertainment was provided during the interval, when a waitress spilt what I assume was a glass of red wine, over a punter on the table opposite, "Panic stations". I'm thinking free meal here and dry cleaning bill !
Sweet and sour chicken for me, chicken with sweetcorn & mushrooms for Bec. Plenty of pineapple, tomatoe and onion, but the chicken was a bit thin on the ground. Bec's chicken was plentyfull, but the sauce didn't want to join in, and where's the chips ? "Sorry for the delay" when they finally turned up (how, when it's quiet, do they manage to do this?) Food eaten, fight over who pays, departure....
I know the owners are new and are obviously carrying the legacy of the previous guys, but it needs more than just a name change (which incidentally sounds too much like Siam Corner in Derby) Look at how indian restaurants like Anoki, Masala Art, etc have dragged them selves into the 21st Century, with modern contemporary dining, attentive service and ultimately good (& at times interestingly different) food. Come on guys, you're in a prime spot, Friargate, it should be rockin here. Give us a reason to come back, you're not the only Thai/Chinese in Deby.
£38 for 2, with drinks.
Food 5/10
Service 6/10 (I think the table opposite would disagree tho!!)
Venue 4/10
Tel: 01332 344828
www.littlesiam.co.uk

"Would you like number 23?" (Hong Kong Garden, Siouxsie and the Banshees, 1978)
Martin, Saturday 13th January 2007

Food glorious food........ or is it ?

January 2007
It's a cold damp Wednesday in January, I've just come back from Zizzi pizza in Derby (a chain!) with my mum and sister. My bowl of crab, pea and lemon oil spaghetti wasn't the worst in the world, but I knew it could be better. Why do we always end up at Zizzi or Pizza Express? I've decided, enough is enough !
Why is it that there are more crap places to eat, than good places. Where the hell do you go for dinner in the week that's not Indian, pasta or Chinese & isn't a chain (i.e. not independently owned). Why does most pub-grub fall short? Why is the only noise you hear coming from the kitchen that of a microwave "ping" and not a head chef shouting "service"! On this site we're gona find, with your help, the best places in the Derby area, let's say within a 15 mile radius, to eat, drink and shop for Decent Grub (including Nottingham?).Where do you get a traditional home cooked pub lunch? Where do you go for an impromtu dinner mid-week, that's been cooked, not just re-heated, and under a tenner? Where can I get a decent Gin & Tonic? (plenty of lime and ice, in my opinion) A decent cup of coffee and a perfectly pulled pint? Where can I buy organic & local produce? and where can I eat it? (now there's a challenge!) Where can you enjoy real ale with a hearty plate of localy produced sausages & mash? And where are those potentially Michelin star rated restaurants and chef's working away to create gastronomic perfection (come on there must be a budding Heston out there somewhere) The area does have some good places to eat and drink and there are plenty of people who are trying. But Derby doesn't even have an independent delicatessen anymore, for cryin out loud, Belper does! So let's find the local champions of good food, lets shout for Decent Grub! In fact tell me all your foodie thoughts and experiences from anywhere in the UK, I'm sure you wana tell em and I'd love to hear em.
Hopefully next time you fancy a plate of Decent Derbyshire Grub, you'll know where to look! From sausages to sushi, tell me about every mouthfull, everyplace, everywhere. I want your opinion on my reviews and your ratings out of 10, for food, service & venue. Let's see who gets the nod and who gets the knock? and hopefully together we can create a directory of the best!
.......... All I ask, is that it's Decent Grub!
Hey Ho, let's go ! ("Blitzkreig Bop", Ramones, 1976)
Martin, 9.10 pm, Wednesday 10th January 2007

PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL REVIEWS ARE JUST MY OWN PERSONAL OPINIONS AND AS WE ALL KNOW, RESTAURANT QUALITY AND SERVICE CAN CHANGE ON A DAILY BASIS. PLEASE TRY ALL THE ESTABLISHMENTS FOR YOUR SELVES AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. ENJOY.........
MARTIN (decentgrub.com)